Thoughts create. Thinking destroys.

I have this dream of writing with no fear. No fear of judgment, or of embarrassment, just writing everything that my little heart desires. I think I'm most afraid of being authentically vulnerable and feeling silly for it. Though when I truly think about it, I feel I'll regret not doing it even more so.

These are the ebbs and flows of feeling and emotion from day to day. Just last week I was ready to conquer the world with a "hear me roar" attitude, and this week, to be completely frank, I'm scared.

I've always loved writing in both the nonfiction and fiction realm, but my self-esteem, or rather lack thereof, has always prevented me from "putting myself out there," so to speak. As I said before, I think it's the vulnerability that terrifies me the most.

I'm currently reading Don't Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen, and he makes a point to reiterate that thinking is the Achilles' heel of being your truest and most authentic self. He goes as far as to say "Thoughts create. Thinking destroys." At first glance, I couldn't make any sense of it. I assumed he was one of those kooky "listen to the wind and it will whisper the secrets of the universe" types. And well, he might be, but he also makes a great point; He explains that "as soon as we begin to think about the thoughts, we cast our own limiting beliefs, judgments, criticisms, programming, and conditioning onto the thought, thinking of infinite reasons as to why we can't do it and why we can't have it" and damn it am I not feeling that I've been doing exactly that.

It's as if I think about writing, my biggest dreams, and the life I truly want, then give myself a thousand reasons why I shouldn't or why I can't. All the things that could go wrong rather than all the things that could go right. Overall, I'm coming to realize that I'll never forgive myself if I lay on my deathbed and wish I would've said "fuck it".

Apologies for the vulgarity, but truly, take a few minutes to sit and think about your deathbed. It's uncomfortable, I know, but let yourself feel the fear and the anguish, then picture your regrets. Everyone has them. If you were to die today, what would your biggest regret be? Write it down in one to two sentences.

Now imagine you have the opportunity to turn that regret into something you consider a proud life event. You told the friend you've secretly had a crush on for years your true feelings about them, you quit the job you hated and started an online shop selling your artwork, you finally started posting on a feelings website you've had for a few years because you figured "what the heck, why not be vulnerable for everyone I've ever known and everyone I don't know to see and experience in their way"!

What I'm trying to say is this life we have is fleeting by the day, the hour, and the second. Stop wasting it. There's no better time than the present.