Nostalgia: 1

Throughout my almost two months of getting to know grief, I've noticed I have been pulled towards things that make me feel nostalgic. Whether it be movies, songs, or simple memories from childhood. I can't completely comprehend the feeling of nostalgia, other than a sense of belonging or shared experience of your current self and your past self. A connectedness that links all of the decisions you've made to get to the point you're at today.

It's said that feeling nostalgic can release a small dose of dopamine, which may explain the pull toward the feeling while in the mental state of grief. On the other hand, when already in a mental state of loneliness, nostalgia can make one feel a sense of longing. Where we hear the phrase "the good ole days". Either way, nostalgia often reminds us of simpler times, or rather, times we will never experience in their full capacity again.

Throughout this next year, I will be experiencing many firsts. Today, it is my first Halloween without my mom. This is probably going to be the easiest of all the holidays I'll experience this year. While my mom always accessorized the house with her collection of Halloween decorations spanning from before I was born, Halloween was never celebrated as intensely as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our birthdays. I've found nostalgia in listening to the classic Halloween-themed songs, watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", and of course, putting out a few of my mom's Halloween decorations at my own house, but this nostalgia does not hurt like I know the nostalgia for Thanksgiving and Christmas will.

For nostalgia to hurt, you have to assume that person made a large enough impact on your psyche that you feel genuine pain knowing you'll never experience that moment again. One can only hope they impact someone so beautifully that they, themself, unintentionally create a sense of longing within another's spirit.